i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
