today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
