i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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