Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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