What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
