When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
