He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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