Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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