yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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