my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
