As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
