I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
