don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
