im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
