Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
