I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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