I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
