Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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