; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
