if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
