i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
