Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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