sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
