She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
