her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
