You're completely useless in the revolution.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
