of course. lets lasso hookers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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