He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
