brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
