Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
PANTIES FOUND
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