Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
