I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
