just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
