Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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