I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
