Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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