So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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