Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
