apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
