So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
