i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
