can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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