I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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