I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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