You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
