I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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