Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
