Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
