Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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