trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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