I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and she was petting her beer can
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
