I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
