do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
