Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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