the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
